my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
