You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
