Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
