We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
