Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize