my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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