i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
