Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
