I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
