every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
and you fell through a lawn chair
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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