Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
