Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
