i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my poor anus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
