she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
