this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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