booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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