yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
