Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
