My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
