like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
