I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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