Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
