that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
