Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
