I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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