Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
