ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
