I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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