sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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