put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
