i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
