It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
