Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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