there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
