The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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