too bad you live with your parents still
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
