I bet he comes in French.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
