I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
