one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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