You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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