We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's always time for handjobs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
