I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
