trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize