why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
