Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize