The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
