Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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