Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
