I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
