Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
