your parents love me but you hate me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
