Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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