Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
