If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
