dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
