I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
