hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
