Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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