so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
