Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
