Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
