also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
