she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
