as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
