what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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