Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
