i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
