I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
