Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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