I can tuck mytits in my pants
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize