Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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