K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
