is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The best revenge is premature balding
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
