I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
