I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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