im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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