Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
