That's when you crack a 10am beer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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