so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
