I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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