you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
