do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
