every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
