and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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