D3 body, D1 cock
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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