she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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