Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
