Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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