best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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