so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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