my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
