you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
