Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
