i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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