Farmville is her only friend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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