My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
